Saturday 7 June 1975
I go back to 15 Oakapple after being at Tony’s for a time. Louis instead of John and we’re in my old bedroom and Louis taps on window (despite the fact we don’t want to wake Mum and Dad) and quotes King Lear. He’s got an evil sensation. I get it too and run forth from the room screaming. Foetus in the cupboard (something to do with childhood, adoption). I think Mum and Dad are in my room now and Mum screams horribly. I rush in, crying ‘Mummy.’ She is screaming like in orgasm or childbirth. Dad still asleep. I go to her. Her eyes open. ‘Mummy I’ve come home.’
A not-too-bad bit of dream: Tony has deodorant,
perfume and pretends (over clothes) to roll it
onto neck, moves lower, uttering ‘Ah darling!’
(imaginary words for a lover kissing him). Moves bottle lower till he reaches
genitals. Noise of sucking off. I wonder how he knows what it sounds like.
Funny.
Also Mum tells me to eat a big dinner since I haven’t
been eating.
Second nightmare. Several of us are on a cycling
holiday. We are staying in a weird house – very aristocratic. A servant says,
‘They’re mad. They don’t leave us alone.’ I cared all the time. I’ve got a room
of my own. But with others. Big baby Calibans.
